Anyway, whoever made these things deserves a big whomping pat on the back, and then a cattle prod to the neck to make sure they keep delivering. And then maybe we can get a whole squad of like-minded people together, and we can prod them into making actual 8-bit video games based on these movies, because that would probably be more amazing than the tie-in games that Nintendo actually had to offer. (Man, this prod feels really comfortable in my hands.) I believe we all remember playing Hudson Hawk for five minutes before smashing it to pieces with a copy of The Return of Bruno.
I suppose it stands to reason that anyone who portrays Adolf Hitler or Pol Pot on film will technically have the highest character kill count, but no one can deny that Arnold Schwarzenegger is high on the list of cinematic causes of death. There’s no real math that went into this estimation, but any actor who gets hired onto a Schwarzenegger movie is facing something around a 65% risk that his character is going to get killed in a most satisfactory fashion. By sword, gun, or being thrown through a door, a death at Ah-nold’s hands is still worthy of respect, since nothing and no one can survive if Arnold decides they need killing. As such, the above supercut video from Internet comedy group Auralnauts is a massive undertaking of hilariously excessive brutality. If Hercules had researched and gathered the information necessary to write 12 different encyclopedias instead of taking on the 12 great Feats of legend, that would be a water droplet on the leaf of a tree in the forest of effort that Auralnauts put into creating this video.
PKD’s works such as A Scanner Darkly and “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale (which became Total Recall) have been translated to screen, and his best known work is Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, which was published in 1968 and then, nearly 15 years later, made into a little movie you might have heard of called Blade Runner. The book and movie give PKD a venue for pondering the same questions that occupied Alan Turing, about an artificial intelligence’s ability to think and pass for human. Turing’s test involved conversational skills — if a human could converse with a machine and not know it was a machine, the machine passed the Turing Test (a current version of this test is conducted in the annual Loebner Prize competition). While PKD remained interested in machine capability, he thought Turing was a bit short-sighted, since it focused solely on intelligence. Dick believed that a true test of humanness involved emotion and empathy, rather than sheer smarts, so he reimagined a Turing Test that gauged those qualities — Electric Sheep’s Voigt-Kampff test.
There were a lot of things wrong with the 2012 Total Recall remake, but most of them could be whittled down to the fact that it seemed to completely misinterpret what made the original so much fun. It trades the enthusiastically goofy energy of Paul Verhoeven’s film for a humorless slog filled with changes that don’t improve anything and references that just remind you how much you’d rather be watching Arnold Schwarzenegger run around Mars while killing approximately seventy bajillion people. And just because you include your own version of the triple-breasted hooker doesn’t mean you truly understand the triple-breasted hooker.
Still, if there’s one thing Total Remake had going for it, it was some really nice design work, and I’m a sucker for that sort of thing. And when it comes to designing wardrobe options for a lady of the evening taking the triplets out on the town, let it never be said that artist Christian Cordelia doesn’t bring the A-game. You can check out Christian’s costume designs for the new take on the iconic prostitute below. Some of the images are, unsurprisingly, NSFW, so don’t scroll past this first pic if your boss is looking over your shoulder.
If you’re not a die-hard cinephile, you might know know what “the Criterion Collection” is. The high-end Blu-ray and DVD publisher releases “important classic and contemporary films.” A quick survey of their new and coming soon listings include titles like It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, Charlie Chaplin’s City Lights, and Richard Linklater’s Slacker. Being a high-falutin’ line as they are, they don’t have nearly as many science fiction films represented as they should. Artist Peter Stults decided to remedy that.
Okay, so he can’t actually make Criterion give fancy-schmancy new releases to flicks like The Matrix and Starship Troopers…but he can ape the visual style of Criterion’s cover art to show what those hypothetical Blu-rays might look like. For instance, check out this classy image that could adorn a Donnie Darko Criterion version. Like many Criterion releases, it’s evocative and symbolic, latching on to important visual elements from the film, in this case the pages from Roberta Sparrow’s The Philosophy of Time Travel.