Seven Things To Watch Instead Of Transformers: Age Of Extinction

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TransformersTransformers: The Movie (1986)
We’re going to remain camped in Nostalgia Town for a moment so we can turn our attention to what is, for many of my generation, the first thing that comes to mind when you say the words “Transformers” and “movie.” That’s right, Michael Bay, long before you rode into Cybertron, we were doing just fine without the CGI monstrosities or the casual racism or the robot testicles or the one who says his great grandfather was a goddamn wheel. You could forgive the stupid parts of Transformers: The Movie because it was a cartoon and most of us watching it were like eight years old. But even acknowledging that, the 1986 flick beats any of the modern versions on bullet point after bullet point:

  • Cast includes Eric Idle, Judd Nelson, Leonard Nimoy, Casey Kasem, Robert Stack, Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, Scatman Crothers, and ORSON FUCKING WELLES
  • You can actually tell Transformers apart
  • Traumatic onscreen deaths: Optimus Prime, Ultra Magnus, Ironhide, Prowl, Ratchet, Brawn, Windcharger, and Wheeljack
  • Soundtrack includes Weird Al Yankovic’s “Dare to Be Stupid”
  • Optimus Prime, like, totally says a swear, you guys

Fun Robot Fact
Megatron is voiced by Frank Welker. Once he becomes Galvatron, he’s voiced by Leonard Nimoy. Frank Welker provided some of the screams for Spock in Star Trek III (which was also directed by Nimoy).

Where Can I See It?
You’re going to have to track this one down on disc, sadly. Although you can watch the Transformers cartoon that spawned it on Netflix Instant.

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  1. sounder says:

    I can confirm Transformers: Age of Extinction isn’t worth the time.
    Dialog is extremely thin. There’s no reason to give a sh*t about the characters. Loud explosions and CG best describes Transformers: Age of Extinction.

  2. jetblac says:

    I am not going to ask politely. Add Iron Giant.

  3. The Stranger Stranger says:

    If you could expand the list and add something from the current millennium, I’d say adding in Pacific Rim is a good alternative. Sure, it seems like the characters are hollow and the plot almost non-existent, but that’s the charm of it, being a love-letter to the cheesy but sometimes quite evocative tokusatsu films of old. And that means plenty of robot-on-monster action. You can enjoy not taking it seriously, unlike Bay’s Transformers movies.