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Star Wars Fans, Witness The Death Of Jar Jar Binks

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By my calendar it’s only the beginning of November, but for Star Wars fans, Christmas has come early (or Life Day, or whatever). There was no shortage of reasons why the Star Wars prequels were, for the most part, godawful, ranging from anemic scripts to poorly directed actors to a seemingly terminal inability to understand why all of us fell in love with Star Wars in the first place. But if there is one glaring worst offender, one totem that single-handedly sums up everything wrong with the prequels — and if that thing is not named Jake Lloyd — then it has to be Jar Jar Binks. Where to even begin with his sins? He’s a crass bit of kid-pandering at its most obvious; he’s comic relief that is never funny; and he causes you to lose respect for Qui-Gon and Anakin when they don’t immediately slice him in half with a lightsaber the first time he says “meesa.” Thankfully, Jar Jar has finally done the one thing we all wanted him to do from the very start: die.

Sadly, no, his death isn’t being snuck into Episode VII as an olive branch to concerned fans by director J.J. Abrams. Instead his violent and enormously satisfying demise comes via the so-called Phantom Editor, who has taken a deleted scene from The Phantom Menace and improved upon it ten thousand times by having Jar Jar die in the profoundly stupid way he so much deserved: toppling over a waterfall because he’s too stupid to get out of the boat. Although if you ask me, I’m thinking Obi-Wan might have used the Force to give that securing spike just the slightest…little…nudge…

Here’s the original video for comparison:

No court would ever convict. In fact, I’d like to give him a medal. All the medals. Ah, if only this were canon. Oh well, there’s still the chance to bring Hayden Christensen back for an Episode VII post-credits sequence where an elderly Luke Skywaler beats Anakin’s Force ghost to (second) death using a pillowcase filled with brass doorknobs. A fan can dream.

The Phantom Editor is a pseudonym for American editor Mike J. Nichols. Back in 2000 he created an unauthorized re-edit of The Phantom Menace — called The Phantom Edit — that he believed resulted in a much better version of a deeply flawed movie. It’s nice to see him popping back into the spotlight to give us this most wonderful gift. Thank you, Phantom Editor — you’re our only hope.

Comments

  1. Alurn says:

    I liked Jar Jar, he made me laugh and I was able to enjoy all of the star wars movies equally. I love them all. Being easy to please makes everything awesome!

  2. Al Pa says:

    stop ragging on poor jake so much lol he was just a kid who obeyed his parents and director, he cannot help it if his character was based on the concept of liking jar jar binks… binks acctor cannot help it either i dont think he enjoyed half the dialogue he had to do… talk about genetic flash back to darker centuries :/

  3. Al Pa says:

    that said thanks for hte video links they were amusing … poor jar jars had to suffer such terrible dialogue, he coulda been clumsy without such terrible dialogue and perhaps he wouldnt have been hated so much etc :/

  4. F.J. Hansen says:

    There are annoying people in real life. So, when I encounter annoying characters in movies/TV shows/books, I don’t go hating said movie/TV show/book simply because of that character.

  5. Jim Yager says:

    I am sick of the “Fanboys” crying about JarJar, in the 80’s it was the Ewoks :} I saw Star Wars when I was a teen and it was GREAT to take my daughter and two nephews to see Episode 1. My daughter and nephews liked him, and, if that’s what it takes for us to enjoy a Star Wars movie as a family, them so be it. I have no issue with Jar Jar, but, all 3 movies stunk, not because of Jar Jar. It was Lucas that stunk them all up with bad stories and Greedo shot first. Since he changed that and got away with it he decided to forget everyhing he did and make Star Wars HIS WAY. You can’t make characters dumb to the point that they don’t simple things :} SHAME ON YOU GL. Jar Jar Lives :}

  6. magneto says:

    and so what if Jar Jar’s inclusion in the movies was to appeal to the kids?? What’s wrong with that?

  7. Nathan Paul Kennedy says:

    I FEEL SOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!