Faux-fanity: Ranking Science Fiction Swearing From Shuck To Shazbot

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BelgiumThe Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Science fiction and comedy have never come together as successfully as they did with Douglas Adams’ impeccable Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series. The trials and tribulations of Earthling Arthur Dent and his traveling companion Ford Prefect (and his towel) are as imaginative and silly as anything else in fiction, and, as you might imagine, Adams’ ideas for foul language are equally goofy.

  • Belgium: Despite also being an Earth country’s name, this is the rudest word in the universe. It’s “completely banned in all parts of the Galaxy, except in one part, where they don’t know what it means, and in serious screenplays,” as Adams put it. “Belgium, my towel is wet.”
  • “I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle.”: This is the most dreadful insult you could ever possibly utter. At least, to the Vl’hugs.

Profanity Effectiveness Rating: If we were in outer space, then we’d have something to talk about, even using other words like “swut” and “joojooflop.” Unfortunately, these are pretty useless swears to the modern Earthling. 1 out of 10.

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  1. Judge Fargo says:

    Sadly you left out “drokk, grud, and stomm” from Judge Dredd

  2. Crumpy says:

    I recall listening to a radio interview with either Rob Grant or Doug Naylor. In it the stated that Smeg was a shorted version of Smegma, which is a cheesy like substance that collects inside the genitals…. Just thought I’d share..

  3. darqmann says:

    Smeg is smegma abbreviated, and Twonk is a legitimate British insult.

  4. Dustin says:

    The original Battlestar Galactica also had the words “felgercarb” and “Gol-mogging.” Felgercarb was used for sh*t, as in “pile of felgercarb,” and Admiral Cain kept referring to the “Gol-mogging Cylons.”

  5. Randomer2112 . says:

    Admittedly from fantasy and not sci-fi, The Magazine Book of the Fallen is full of creative curses, my personal favourite “Hoods stoney (or hairy)balls on an anvil.” Hood being the God of Death