The Sci-Fi Expendables: We Recruit The Ultimate Team Of SF Badasses
Stations in life don’t get much more radical than “living conscience inside the circuitry of a bulked-up robot authority figure.” Police officer Alex Murphy wasn’t necessarily a pillar of his community before coming to his uncertain doom, but he became something else entirely when he was outfitted with the gun-filled RoboCop exterior. He’s been making criminals come with him dead or alive for over 25 years now, and he’ll continue for at least another 25, or until the Sci-Fi Expendables have completely eradicated crime. One thing RoboCop has going for him that most of the others don’t is a heightened sense of objective moralism, with his own point-of-view taking a backseat to the black-and-white politics of Detroit police. Plus, there’s that whole “deadeye accuracy” and “bulletproof exoskeleton” and “the Internet inside his helmet” and all. Wouldn’t it be a good idea to make every character on this list a RoboCop? Somebody start funding that project.
And I realize we’ve already got a couple of ship captains on this list, but with apologies to Kirk and Leela, the Enterprise ain’t exactly subtle, and the Planet Express doesn’t have the best of track records. The Sci-Fi Expendables need a ship that’s fast and maneuverable, with a captain that knows how to stay under the radar when need be. You’d be hard pressed to find a better candidate than Han and the Millennium Falcon. After all, it’s the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs (whatever the hell that means), and as an experienced smuggler, Han knows his way around most of the galaxy’s wretched hives of scum and villainy. He may not be the most effective fighter in the bunch, but he makes up for it by being a charming sonovabitch, so he can talk his way out of a rough situation a good portion of the time. This is a guy who managed to stay ahead of a bounty from one of the galaxy’s most notorious crime bosses, after all, and he probably could have done so indefinitely if Lando hadn’t thrown him under the bus. Added bonus: wherever Han goes, so also goes Chewie. (Note: if you can’t find Han, call Captain Malcolm Reynolds or Peter “Star-Lord” Quill, in that order.)