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Scientists Create Zombie Cells, This Will End Poorly

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The zombie apocalypse is coming soon! An American team of biology researchers has recently created “zombie” cells that can outperform natural living cells. The technique used took mammalian cells and coated them with silica, which created a near-perfect replica.

According to the Huffington Post, the Sandia National Laboratories and the University of New Mexico biology laboratories created “zombie-like” cells that can survive at greater temperatures and pressures than the original cells when they were alive. The biological researchers coated living cells with silicic acid in a petri dish, which embalmed or mummified the organic material down to its nanometer structure or level. The technique also created permeable armor around the zombie cell to protect it from real-world conditions.

Zombies

The lead researcher, Bryan Kaehr, denoted the difference between “mummy” cells and “zombie” cells: “Our zombie cells bridge chemistry and biology to create forms that not only near-perfectly resemble their past selves, but can do future work,” he said, horrifyingly.

The researchers heated the silica to around 400ºC (13,520ºF) to evaporate the cell’s protein, but left the silica as a three-dimensional replica of the “formerly living being.” According to Michael Hess at the American Office of Public Affairs, “The difference is that instead of modeling the face, say, of a famous criminal, the hardened silica-based cells display internal mineralized structures with intricate features ranging from nano- to millimeter-length scales.”

Why did the researchers assign us to certain doom in the zombie apocalypse? The research is to advance the study of reusable fossils that could be used as fuel cells. That’s right, zombie gasoline for cars, boats, and airplanes. The zombie cells could also be used for decontamination and sensor technology and commercial manufacturing, but none of that will matter once they rise up to wipe out the entire human race. Find a blunt instrument now; you’re going to need it when the dead rise from their graves to eat your braaains.

Comments

  • http://twitter.com/sudburymagician James Thomas

    Never mind the whole zombie cells thing, the scariest thing about this article is the idea of us ahving to create reusable fossils for fossil fuels…

    Are we THAT dependent, and more to the point, that fucked as a species?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=611054330 Wylie Mitchell

    istead of making gasoline we should be forcing the oil companies to use the tech they’ve bought over the years to find other fuel sources.

    • Kevlar762

      And what exactly gives you the right to force a private industry to do ANYTHING!?!? If you dont like an oil company’s product, dont buy it. Pretty simple really.

      • http://www.facebook.com/karl.davis1 Karl William Davis

        it’s not that simple as just ‘not buying it’ unfortunately, especially since we’re so dependent on fossil fuels, which was Wylie’s point in the first place
        point is, the fossil fuel industry, if things continue as they are unabated, will be responsible for the likely destruction of our civilization and the deaths of potentially billions of people
        but we can legislate to bring about change, such as the carbon pricing schemes operating here in australia, and in europe and some parts of the US, among others, and in places like china within the next couple of years, such as emissions standards for cars and power plants etc

        • matt

          zigactly!!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001081180639 James Plus Rachel

        Why are you defending conglomerates who care more about the pennies in their pocket than your welfare?

      • Edwin Brightmon

        you completely miss the point. oil is not at an endless supply. as responsible adults we must plan ahead

      • Dubb

        It’s Hydraulic despotism! look it up. our lives revolve around it. Water, fuel, electricity etc etc.

  • Terry Mills

    Load of rubbish I think.

  • Ian

    They converted Celsius to Fahrenheit wrong: 400 C should be 752 F, not 13,520 F. Without the proteins, the cells are nothing more than glass replicas of a cell with black carbon on the inside after heating. A dead cell is still a dead cell. I just think the author wants the zombie apocalypse to happen.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandon.holley.66 Brandon Holley

    So it made a shell of the original, that doesn’t burn. Good armor but its not gonna eat your braaains.

  • http://www.facebook.com/IAmAndyPieters Andy Pieters

    Does anybody else think that picture looks like roadkill?

  • dj

    Let it happen let the dead rise out of the ground. I for one welcome the idea for am ready. I have prepared for this for years! I know myself and my family will be safe. With the help of my friends that help prepar for this day to come.

  • jennifer stewart

    more zombie talk is the entire internet fixated on this mess seeing as half of the cry baby society is afraid of this yet do not own or know how to properly use a gun look people the dead don’t give a shit about your ass and even if they did why in the world would they want to come back and eat all of us seriously i am fed up with this online zombie obsession i am seriously zombies exist so every angst ridden nerd can be a blow hard about it

    • Lucien

      What happened? Did punctuation kill your parents or something?

      • UrbanFox

        Best. Comment. Ever.

  • daff

    why the fuck would scientists make this!! were all doomed

  • Donkey Punch

    One poster mentions that “the cells are nothing more than glass replicas”, but as he points out 400 C is only 752 F and “Human flesh requires extended exposure to 1,400 degrees Fahrenheit in order to ignite”…we are all f’ed in the a’s…the end is near!

    • Dubb

      The end IS near. But it won’t be from zombies. It’ll be through Eugenics. The introduction of more and more carcinogenic substances into our lives. Either through our food, water or air. Birth defects and miscarriages in the “developed” world are on the rise. “non-desirables” are infected with “Incurable” diseases (i.e. Aids)
      Keep the “common” population dumb/sick/hungry and we’ll never rise up!
      OOH!! I forgot to say WAR is THE BEST form of population control!
      The futures bright…just not for us