Giant Freakin Robot

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot has been troubled from the word “go.” Recently, however, the production seems to be trying to win over the fans that the earlier leaked details pissed off. Changing the title from Ninja Turtles back to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles seems to have pleased longtime fans of the comic book and animated series, but that’s hardly the only thing sticking in Turtles fans’ craws. Now producer Michael Bay is working damage control once again.

While promoting his latest film, Pain & Gain, Michael Bay said one of the reasons why the title reverted to its original form is that, contrary to tumors, the Turtles were never space aliens; they were always mutants. Bay tells Moviefone:

‘There was that quote saying that we’re making [the Ninja Turtles as] aliens. We’re not,’ Bay clarifies. ‘It’s the ooze! It’s from the original source material. These are from the original writers, and I never went out to correct myself in the press. I do listen to the fans and I do want this to be authentic. I think they’re going to be really happy with this movie. When I see the digital stuff, the turtles look great.’

IT’S THE OOZE!!! Now that the Turtles are officially confirmed as mutants and teenagers once again, hopefully the rest of the film will be more to fans’ liking.

I don’t know about where you guys live, but the weather here in Louisiana has already started reaching mild summer temperatures, and though things aren’t unbearable in the least, it’s going to get that way at some point, and summer is when everything happens outside. And by “everything,” I mean things that happen in places where people get beer drunk all day long. Sports games, music fests, pool parties, and things of that nature. Well, science is helping the more clueless day-drinkers to have a better day once and for all.

University of Washington professor of atmospheric sciences and associate professor Dargan Frierson co-authored a study for Physics Today that proves beyond all doubt that a beer koozie will keep your beer cold. While that seems like a rather obvious solution in the first place, I rarely use one, and it’s for no good reason, honestly. It’s one of those things that just bypasses my common sense, like changing my car’s oil or not putting my head in a paper bag to fall asleep at night.

The researchers performed the study on a small scale at first, using a salty ice bath to cool the beer down to near-freezing, and then adjusting the heat and humidity of the room — a small, unused bathroom. They found that, on average, the condensation that forms on the outside of the beer will raise the temperature by six degrees in just five minutes. Assuming it follows that pattern, you’re looking at a warm beer in no time at all. And not even war is worse than warm beer.

I’d love to launch into an ’80s-style stand-up comedy bit about how men be telling the truth and women be crazy, but that probably wouldn’t be so advisable, given the person involved in this story.

Carrie Fisher once again has confirmed that she will appear in J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars Episode VII. It’s a road we’ve been down before, as she’s already said it before to Palm Beach Illustrated, but of course it was too soon, because she ended up saying it was all a joke soon afterward. But now the Calgary Herald has reported Fisher appeared for a Q&A at their BMO Centre for the Calgary Comics Expo, and revealed to a awestruck audience that Leia will once again appear in theaters. And not just in a touched-up version of the originals.

‘I like being bought by Disney, because they never wanted to buy me before,’ she said during a talk at the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo. ‘I’m glad they are doing a new movie because they are sending a trainer to my house so I can get in really good shape. So I’m really eating a lot of sugar in advance, as you can see. By the time I really get down to it I will have eaten everything.’

Due to one amazing instance of “comedic cussing,” the following retro video is NSFW for all of a half-second. But the dark sense of humor maybe makes it unsafe for impressionable children.