Giant Freakin Robot

CBS’s Under the Dome. Kimberly Pierce’s Carrie. Mercy. A Good Marriage. Those are all the projects based on Stephen King properties that will definitely get releases in the next near or so. If you expand that to include the proposed works in various stages of production – The Dark Tower, The Talisman, Joyland, and The Ten O’Clock People — then even a cynical King fan can get genuinely excited. With this many things in motion, the odds are in favor of a couple of those being really great, leaving the ass weasels behind.

According to a press release, King’s 2006 novel Cell — once an Eli Roth project — has landed John Cusack as its leading man, and will be directed by Tod “Kip” Williams. Granted, both of these guys have admittedly been attached for a while now, but the film hadn’t found its backing, and is no longer attached to Cargo Entertainment. The production companies Benaroya Pictures and Micellaneous Entertainment have formed an international sales company called International Film Trust (IFT), which has added Cell to their Cannes sales slate. Benaroya Pictures will be co-producing and financing, along with a handful of other producers.

Williams was the director of 2010′s sub-par Paranormal Activity 2 and 2004′s The Door in the Floor. The screenplay was written by Adam Alleca, who wrote the remake for The Last House on the Left. Everybody has their hopes up now, right?

Even in the future, even after crash landing on Earth 1,000 years after the last human left the planet, and even when surrounded by a swarm of angry monkeys, teens still don’t want to listen to their fathers. That’s the gist you get from the latest clip — second in as many days – from M. Night Shyamalan’s upcoming father-son space adventure After Earth.

This new video features real-life family members Will and Jaden Smith as Cypher (not kidding about that name) and Kitai Raige (not kidding about the last name either). The premise of the film is that the two run their spaceship aground on Earth. While this was once the cradle of all human life, that’s no longer the case. In fact, if Cypher is to be believed, everything on the planet has evolved to kill humans. For now we’ll look past obvious questions, like how things can evolve to kill humans if there are no humans around to kill, and get to the point of this clip.

You know what would be a huge help if you were in law enforcement? If you had a high-tech computer implanted into your brain. That’s the central premise of the upcoming CBS science fiction drama Intelligence, which stars Lost alum Josh Holloway. Now we have a behind-the-scenes video and the first official photo from the series.

Holloway plays an agent named Gabriel, who works for a place called U.S. Cyber Command. He’s ex-special forces, has a hot sidekick, and whatever they do at Cyber Command, he’s the best at it. Head of the class, leader of the pack kind of stuff. Turns out having a microchip implanted in your skull has its advantages, and he can tap into the internet, get WiFi, and even access satellites, all from the comfort of his own head. He can run facial recognition all on his own without waiting for a spunky lab tech to do it. I bet he can even text and tweet from in there. There’s definitely a market for this kind of technology.

It’s been clear for a long time that, of all the people in the world who have a low tolerance for fools, Star Trek‘s Klingons are right up there. Wait, they aren’t even “people in the world.” Now I’m the one that sounds like a fool! A d’k tahg to the throat for me then.

For those looking to get on a Klingon’s good side, however, take notice of the new Bing translator, which will take your favorite English phrases and tell you how a badass alien warrior might say it. For instance, if Nathan Hale were actually an alien in disguise, he might have said something like, “‘e’ vIghaj ‘ach wa’ yIn luj Sep neH pay.” But Klingons probably don’t do things like regret or lose lives for their country, so it’s possibly they would have thought Hale to be a “puj qech loD.”

Sure, there are other Klingon translators out there, considering how large the subset of fanboy speakers has grown, but this one is official, and you can even translate all those Norwegian phrases about Kirk’s hair that you’ve been saving up over the years.